How to Get Your Life on Track Using a Kids’ Game
When you were a kid, did you play “Getting Warmer, Getting Colder”?
In case you didn’t, I’ll explain. It’s super simple – you hide an object, and the person you’re playing with has to find it based on your instruction that they’re getting warmer (closer to the object) or colder (further away).
It turns out… this game is the secret to a joyful, meaningful life!
You think I’m kidding, right? I’m completely serious!
I first read about “Getting Warmer, Getting Colder” in an article written by Dr. Martha Beck in Oprah magazine in 2007.
I was 19 years old and getting my undergrad degree in Political Science with the plan of attending law school.
At age 19, I thought I had life completely figured out (I mean, what 19-year-old doesn’t?!). I had a clear vision of what my “Perfect Life” should look like: I’d get amazing grades, go to a top-tier law school, get a fancy corporate law job, make a bajillion dollars, marry someone equally fancy (another lawyer or a doctor, FOR SURE), and have 2.5 fancy kids.
I put Dr. Beck’s advice in the back of my mind.
Fast-forward to New Year’s Eve 2012. I’m making great progress on the “Perfect Life” plan I described above. I’m halfway through law school and doing well overall.
And I’m freakin’ miserable.
On an evening when most people are having fun and celebrating the beginning of a brand new year, I am sitting alone in my tiny studio apartment in Tucson, Arizona.
Why am I alone?
Because I can only be my true, authentic self when I’m alone.
At law school, I’m playing a role that doesn’t match my innate personality. It’s exhausting.
I’m pretending that I care about stuff that I just don’t care about.
I’m inching toward a breaking point.
That’s when “Getting Warmer, Getting Colder” pops up again in my mind.
I start writing in my journal, trying to figure out what the heck I am doing with my life.
I write about the internship I’ve got lined up for the spring semester in Washington, D.C. The plan is to work at the Department of Health & Human Services.
This internship would look good on my resume (remember our goal is to be “fancy” above all else!!!).
The career advisors at my school thought it was a great idea. But something felt “0ff” about it.
I decided to experiment with “Getting Warmer, Getting Colder”.
When I imagined moving out to D.C. and doing this internship, did it feel warmer (happier) or colder (more miserable and dead inside)?
Before my true self could respond to this question, my analytical thinking mind butted in:
“OBVIOUSLY the answer is ‘warmer’! Think of all the networking you can do in Washington! This is going to be great for your legal career! You will lose so many opportunities if you don’t do this! The job market is so competitive right now!”
Ok, sure, good points I guess.
But my body (my heart, soul, and spirit) had a different answer.
There was no analysis. No debate. No “pro” and “con” lists.
My body said simply, “Nah. Colder.”
End of story. I was stunned!
I have no idea why the answer was “colder”. Even to this day, 8 years later, I still don’t know.
Our bodies don’t give us long, detailed explanations. They just know.
And that is why “Getting Warmer, Getting Colder” is such a beautiful, profound tool.
You don’t need to know the “why”.
It’s just… truth.
Your deepest truth.
So I called the people who offered me the internship and declined it.
Immediately after hanging up the phone, I felt lighter. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I felt freedom.
And that’s the beauty of “Getting Warmer, Getting Colder”. It’s simple yet incredibly powerful.
I encourage you to try it with a decision that’s bothering you.
Life has installed within you powerful "Getting Warmer, Getting Colder" signals. Your inner ‘navigation system’ functions perfectly—the challenging part is listening to it.
If something feels both good and bad, break it down into its components to see which are warm and which are cold.
Begin making choices based on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than how you think an ideal life should look.
And if you make a mistake, that’s okay! You’ll notice the “colder” feeling (unhappiness, dissatisfaction, unease) and you can change your course.
This is how I make all decisions in my life, big and small.
Here is another example of how I’ve used this tool:
In 2014, I was deep in the world of online dating. It was not going well!
Every time I met up with a guy I met online, I just felt… “ugh”.
Nothing felt right, even when these guys looked great “on paper”.
Then one day, I walked into my local gym for a workout. I noticed a (cute, very tall!) guy checking members into the gym.
He didn’t look familiar. I assumed he was the new manager.
Immediately, that feeling of “getting warmer” hit me.
I didn’t know anything about this guy. But I truly believe that my deepest self knew…
That was my husband.
So… I asked him out. (Yes, ladies, you can ask dudes out. It’s not the Middle Ages. Lol.)
And here we are, a few years later, married with a beautiful baby girl.
Have you ever had moments like that where you just knew?
TRUST THAT!
That’s your inner navigation system.
In conclusion, thanks to “Getting Warmer, Getting Colder”, I don’t have the life I’d imagined…
I’ve got a life that’s a million times better.
It is entirely possible that pursuing the life you think you’re supposed to have is blocking you from the life you deserve.
So try using “Getting Warmer, Getting Colder”. Let me know how it goes! I love hearing from you!